I’ve not written anything here this year, just been too busy. Life brings constant change. I do like a routine so to not have one lately is really “stretching” me to say the least. The Bible study I’ve been involved in (Discerning the Voice of God) has been an eye opener. Some nights when I’m working on my homework, I feel like I’m in therapy. God brings so many things to mind but He never fails to remind me of His promises along with the growth. I’ve been made aware of some bitterness I’ve harbored toward someone, some short shortsightedness I’ve had, how I need to be quiet and listen more, how I need to spend more time in prayer for the man God has loaned me. I heard a quote last night on a special I was watching and it was, “so many of us have the curse of knowledge”, at first I thought, CURSE of knowledge???? We can never have too much knowledge. Then it was explained how some people have the “curse of knowledge” by having so much knowledge, they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be without it or to still be looking for it… therefore it becomes a curse instead of a blessing. I pray the Lord never lets me think I’ve “arrived” or I’ve learned enough or forget that freedom feeling when I first came to know Him and the excitement that entails. I want to always have a fresh approach to teaching and learning. I never want to take for granted when I’m leading a Bible study that everyone of us are on the same page spiritually. I pray to never judge or belittle someone because of where they are. Lord, always remind me of the depth of despair you brought me out of! I pray for wisdom (James 1:5) but only accompanied with the ability to share it in such a way that others are able to grasp the goodness and unconditional love of God. He is so good to me! I see the Lord working in so many areas of my families lives, bringing us closer, forgetting the past and moving forward together with one goal….. reach the lost, share His word, love people of every race, color and creed and as my Pastor says, “help build a church that looks like heaven”. I love that! I want to be a part of that. I want more of HIM and less of me. One thing the Lord has really placed on my heart this year is the phrase, “Give yourself away”. At first I wasn’t sure what that meant until I just started doing it… giving my time, my efforts, any talent I may have…. just give…. after all HE gave his very life for me. I was reminded at the alter the other day…. our very first day in our new sanctuary a few years ago. I kept hearing the phrase in my head, “this will be a finding place”. To be honest, it made no sense and I kept trying to just block it out but it wouldn’t go away. So finally I just asked the Lord what He meant by “finding place”. He told me this, “this sanctuary will be the place people find freedom from addictions, pornography, habits and abuses, it’s going to be a finding place, they’ll find love and caring here”. I’ve never forgotten this and as I set in my church week after week, I watch this happen all around me. People finding freedom from suicidal thoughts, marriage problems, racism and devastating financial issues. He kept His Word and I get to attend a “finding place” every week and watch Him work. I’m so moved tonight when I think about how He found me 33 years ago this past February. He FOUND me and I didn’t even know I was looking for Him : )…….. He gave all for me and the least I can do is give back all that I am.
Tonight Ed and I went out for dinner to celebrate the selling of my bookstore and he asked me if I felt excited or scared about the next phase of my life. It really made me think… I have to say that childhood was such that not many things “scare” me anymore and haven’t for a long time. Losing Ed would be scary but knowing I’ve lived through that type of loss before lets me know that I would live through it again. Nope not scary…. I trust God too much to be scared. He really is my refuge… even when I’m just simply tired. He has never disappointed me, never left me, never made me feel abandoned, never lied to me, never embarrassed me, never disrespected me…. I feel free because of that trust. I’m free to live life… to make mistakes and know I’ll live through them. Brings to mind Ps. 37: 3-6 “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.” Also, Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” So if I am committed to the Lord… and trust Him… he will act on my behalf, He will prosper me and not harm me, He will give me hope and a future. WOW, how could I not trust Him??? So… I may not know what my future holds but…. as long as I stay in the Word, I will have a lamp for my feet, my path will be lit. (Ps. 119:105) Such simple directions. So.. .to answer Ed; I am excited! So excited to see the adventure unfold that the Lord has for this next season of my life. Our church sings a song that absolutely moves me to tears every time I hear it. The words are below. When I think about the Lord…. I think freedom, I am free to trust. I can walk confidently into tomorrow knowing He already holds it and me in His hands and nothing will happen that He and I can not handle.
How He saved me, how He raised me,
how He filled me, with the Holy Ghost.
How He healed me, to the uttermost.When I Think about the Lord,
how He picked me up and turned me around,
how He placed my feet on solid ground
It makes me wanna shout,
Thank you JESUS,
LORD, your worthy, of all the glory, and all the honor,
and all the praise…
Yes He is….
It’s nearly midnight and all I can hear in my home is the wood crackling in the fireplace and dishwasher running. It’s been one week since I’ve been able to just stop my mind and think. Last Thursday we got the news of one of our favorite Pastor’s in AZ had been killed in an auto accident in another country. Last night I was blessed with the technology & opportunity to be present via internet to his Memorial service. Several things really stood out to me. How the smallest act of kindness has a huge ripple affect in light of eternity and when things happen that we don’t understand, don’t ask why…. ask “what now?” I have wondered both for his wife and daughters, why and what do they do now? People tuned in from all over the world to the celebration of Pastor Leo’s life and we all cried and laughed. He would have loved it. As I have learned to simply be quite and listen more, especially in ministry I am learning that our walk and our testimony comes down to love and obedience. If we are obedient to what the Lord calls us to do; we will have the ability and wisdom to know how to love the people the Lord puts in our path. I want to be that person, the one the Lord knows He can count on. To just simply love, whatever walk of life is put in front of me; Lord show me how to love. Show me what they need and give me the means to meet that need. Help me to not judge by sight but love by sight. Always. Let the people I encounter whether family, friends, strangers, my precious Husband and even my pet know that I love. Period. My heart feels so heavy tonight for friends I have that just want to be loved, appreciated, made to feel important. Lord help me be that person in their life that moves them closer to you, through love.
Tonight I’m thinking about starting to write a blog…. just every now and then, when I feel like I have something to say : ) I don’t really know how to do this but I’m figuring it out. Life is just too interesting to not write some of it down. If you think you would read a blog written by me… let me know. Just an idea. I try to do something I’ve never done before at least once a quarter. When was the last time you did something for the first time? It keeps my mind constantly branching out… learning new crafts or recipes or ways of doing things. I love to learn and figuring out this whole blog thing…. is my “something for the first time” this quarter.